Well at the start of September I did not expect to be writing a blog about endings. As a September-born Virgo and ex-teacher September is all about beginnings for me and always has been. Here we are in October and I find myself dealing with an "end". Yesterday I decided to pause yoga classes in Lepton village; I can't bring myself to say end. The reason: I did the maths. I did the maths on the numbers, money in - money out, and I did the maths on my energy and spirit. Both were depleted. There is a time to call time on something that is barely getting by. If I had no overheads, would I have continued to show up for my small group of wonderful regulars? It was an absolute joy; of course I would have.
Despite a really incredible, successful start to my yoga venture (three classes a week in one village)and as much positive feedback as a person could wish for in a lifetime it has come to a pause (end).
I'm not a commercial person, so I have found this uptake of Yoga/Katy love and then the decline to be hard. Putting myself out there in front of grown-ups (scary) never mind women (shitting myself) was the biggest personal challenge I have faced yet.
I don't count motherhood in this audit, because no matter how crazy my motherhood ride in life, it's something that comes very naturally to me. I'm not a perfect mum, God knows, but I inhabit the space of motherhood comfortably as a true vocation. BTW if motherhood means raising grade 8 violinists by age 5 or even potty training my current child?:- I'm not your mum. I'm just there, feeling it, breathing it, I hope it's enough.
So back to yoga: feeling it, breathing it. Yes, that's my yoga too. I'm not pausing or (ending) my yoga. Once you are on the yogic path, no matter how many hiccups along the way, you are on the path. The first thing I did after making the decision to pause classes, was to go to a yoga class the next day!
There's a saying that "you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink". With yoga classes you have to rely on the horse taking itself to the water and a demographic pre-conditioned to putting everyone's needs before their own (mostly women and nice blokes). With this in mind, you best believe the cogs are turning as to how I can still service you, YOU that cannot leave the house, YOU that come last in a very long list.
Ahh well.....I'm sure this won't be the last you hear from me. Wishing you courage and peace in the decisions we all face. But also let's get over change and see the openings in endings.
Yours with Love,
Katy X
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